I just made out with a guy for $7.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
