I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
