I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
