I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
