I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
