That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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