I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
