So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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