So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize