i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
