Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
