i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
