You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
