OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
