In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
