You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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