Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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