Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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