giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
