My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
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