shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
