i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
