Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
