is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
