i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Randomize
