i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
