So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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