At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
