yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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