I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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