i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
why is half of my head shaved?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
