I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
