Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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