if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
