just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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