Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
