Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
