Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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