He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
