You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
