I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
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