Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
