I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
