she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I understand Curling. That high.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
