she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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