But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
