the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
