and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I just googled if crying burns calories
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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