Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
