Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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