I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
