I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
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