i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize