Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I will pee on everything he values.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
