11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
