hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
