Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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