I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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