So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
