She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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