some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
