at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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