i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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