There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
