And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
