i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
