It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
