remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
zippers are such a cool invention
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize