i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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