I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
