remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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