IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
