I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
