i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
