I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
