Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
