The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
