Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
