That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Sext me about skeletons
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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