I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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