shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
