last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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