Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize