everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
