Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize