In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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