there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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