I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
