I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
