They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize