No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
