what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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