We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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