I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
soo... how was my night?
Randomize