Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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