Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize