My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
